I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
