Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
