there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
