she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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