i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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