Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
