Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry about my life...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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