My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
