Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
