You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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