she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
