He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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