Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
