I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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