I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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