Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
