It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
