In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
