google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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