Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
