I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
