Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize