If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
