I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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