just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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