eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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