Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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