I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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