I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
