Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
