I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize