im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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