ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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