Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
