I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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