i don't plan on having that self control this summer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
