In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize