I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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