There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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