people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
