She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
