Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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