She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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