Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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