Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
