did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
