strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
