In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my liver is dry heaving
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
