Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
