remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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