Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
