I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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