so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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