He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
