remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
