Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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