not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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