I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
