I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
