If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
