i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
