So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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