I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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