so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
