she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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