Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
