Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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