i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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