my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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