Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
