Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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